Winners

Houston clinches their first playoff birth ever with a last-second TD pass by rookie 3rd string QB TJ Yates. Hollywood worthy. Congrats, Texans!

Oh, MJD. To the happiness of many fantasy owners and the dismay of the others matched against you, why did you pick this of all weeks to show up big time?

The bad: the Lions new “zero-tolerance” policy only last until the 3rd quarter. The good: their playoff hopes remain alive.

Philly wins. Nobody cares.

Hello, San Francisco, meet Larry Fitzgerald. He’s about to make your day miserable.

Since when did Eli Manning become a scary QB?

Probably a little too close for comfort for their fans, but New [England] & New [Orleans] eek out wins.

I’m not exactly the biggest Ben Roethlisberger fan, but he’s one tough cookie.

Tebow. Again. You know this is officially out of control when people (read: idiots) are bringing him up in the MVP conversation…so in order to not feed the hysteria, I’ll give my shout-out to the Broncos because it’s kind of a team sport and Tebow’s kind of not even the best player on their team.

Baltimore beats Indy. Yawn. Atlanta beats Carolina. Yawn. Who’s ready for the playoffs when (hopefully) none of the teams are yawn-worthy.

Losers

Terrible finishes all around by the Vikings, Redskins and Titans. This is how time expired in these three games, all within reach, as the trailing team had the ball in the red zone: Joe Webb fumbles, Jake Locker takes a sack, Rex Grossman throws a fluky INT.

If the Jets can put up 37 points on Kansas City, what do you think will happen next week when the Packers come to town? I’m going to set the over/under at 50.

Annoying people with really annoying last names shouldn’t be allowed in the NFL. I’m talking to you, Gronkowski.

Has there ever been as sad a season as the Colts? The 2008 winless Lions are a close second, but since they are division rivals, my sympathy does not extend to them.

The last time Tampa Bay won: Oct. 16 against the Saints. I believe this is officially considered a dry spell or maybe it’s just an all-on drought?

If nothing else, these last few games have proven that Jay Cutler > Caleb Hanie. So, there’s that.

Look on the bright side, Dallas. At least it wasn’t your own coach who iced your kicker this week.

Thank you, 49ers, for that extra breathing room in the race for home-field throughout the playoffs.

I guess nobody got your memo, Cam Newton.

Seriously, what happened to the Bills?